Monday, January 29, 2007 11:31 pm
my life is so uneventful. the past week has been so boring. i hardly ever go out and have no events/parties to go to. all i do i just sit in front of my laptop and watch series and tv programmes off youtube. even if i do go out, i am usually alone. which i do enjoy at times. but suddenly i just feel that nothing great is happening in my life. i have nothing to boast about. i have nothing to talk about. i have nothing.
i want to do something. anything. i want to try something new, or go to some place new. watch a movie or something. but most of the times, i have only myself to do these things with. while i find being alone/single is great, i also realise it is always good to have someone by your side. but it is hard to find that person. it is so hard to find someone who clicks with you. it is so hard to find someone to talk to. it is so hard to find someone who cares. it is so hard to find a shoulder to lean on for emotional support.
a friend once asked me if i miss home. i thought about it for a while and i heard myself saying, "not really". i don't really miss my family because... we don't have very intimate relationships with each other. it is not a close-knitted family. which is why i don't really understand it when someone misses their family because we don't usually spend time together whether i'm back or not. maybe only during chinese new year but i spend most of my time in front of the tv.
and then i think about the word 'home' and what it really represents. when i think of home, it includes my friends back home as well. so... do i miss them? i would usually say yes but now, i'm not so sure. since everyone is everywhere, i hardly spend time with them when i'm back either. well, mainly because not everyone's on holiday when i am so we can only go out on weekends. sometimes people just don't put in the effort. but frankly speaking, most of us hardly keep in touch anymore. well, maybe it's just me. i don't know. the distance and time apart plus different social lives might have played a part in the "not keeping in touch" thing because sometimes there is just nothing to talk about. you hardly ever cross each other's path so there is little understanding on what is going on on the other side. which results in this huge invisible barrier between you and your friends. do i still miss my friends? maybe. one or two. yeah, whatever. none of them really cares anyway.
do i want to go home? yeah. but one week would be more than enough because i have nothing to do back home except to have some home cooked meals and hawker food. i'm not a big fan of mamak because i don't go out. why? because i don't have my own car and i live in this rural area where people still lives in the jungle and hunt for food. at least that's what city folks think of my hometown. which is why i'm always stuck at home on weekdays watching astro from 2pm till 12am then going online on dial-up to chat with my friends on msn, some who happen to also be in malaysia, maybe about 12km away from me. so, going back and staying here is the same, except that it is more convenient here for me to get food and entertainment.
i also want to take a dig at mr. wang for freaking having a concert in march which i absolutely could not attend because in no way will i be in malaysia at that time. thank you for excluding me from not only your concert but also your promotional stint last saturday at sg. wang. it really made my day. i want to go on but since you lost 20 lbs for your new movie, i'll stop because i still have a soft spot for you.
according to my horoscope, i am going to find love in 2007. somehow, i don't see that coming. at all. there are no options at the moment and i don't see how that will change given my dull lifestyle and a social circle as small as the circumference of a ping pong ball.
my life is a mess.
i despise people with success
186^arch♥byz
