my life is so uneventful. the past week has been so boring. i hardly ever go out and have no events/parties to go to. all i do i just sit in front of my laptop and watch series and tv programmes off youtube. even if i do go out, i am usually alone. which i do enjoy at times. but suddenly i just feel that nothing great is happening in my life. i have nothing to boast about. i have nothing to talk about. i have nothing.
i want to do something. anything. i want to try something new, or go to some place new. watch a movie or something. but most of the times, i have only myself to do these things with. while i find being alone/single is great, i also realise it is always good to have someone by your side. but it is hard to find that person. it is so hard to find someone who clicks with you. it is so hard to find someone to talk to. it is so hard to find someone who cares. it is so hard to find a shoulder to lean on for emotional support.
a friend once asked me if i miss home. i thought about it for a while and i heard myself saying, "not really". i don't really miss my family because... we don't have very intimate relationships with each other. it is not a close-knitted family. which is why i don't really understand it when someone misses their family because we don't usually spend time together whether i'm back or not. maybe only during chinese new year but i spend most of my time in front of the tv.
and then i think about the word 'home' and what it really represents. when i think of home, it includes my friends back home as well. so... do i miss them? i would usually say yes but now, i'm not so sure. since everyone is everywhere, i hardly spend time with them when i'm back either. well, mainly because not everyone's on holiday when i am so we can only go out on weekends. sometimes people just don't put in the effort. but frankly speaking, most of us hardly keep in touch anymore. well, maybe it's just me. i don't know. the distance and time apart plus different social lives might have played a part in the "not keeping in touch" thing because sometimes there is just nothing to talk about. you hardly ever cross each other's path so there is little understanding on what is going on on the other side. which results in this huge invisible barrier between you and your friends. do i still miss my friends? maybe. one or two. yeah, whatever. none of them really cares anyway.
do i want to go home? yeah. but one week would be more than enough because i have nothing to do back home except to have some home cooked meals and hawker food. i'm not a big fan of mamak because i don't go out. why? because i don't have my own car and i live in this rural area where people still lives in the jungle and hunt for food. at least that's what city folks think of my hometown. which is why i'm always stuck at home on weekdays watching astro from 2pm till 12am then going online on dial-up to chat with my friends on msn, some who happen to also be in malaysia, maybe about 12km away from me. so, going back and staying here is the same, except that it is more convenient here for me to get food and entertainment.
i also want to take a dig at mr. wang for freaking having a concert in march which i absolutely could not attend because in no way will i be in malaysia at that time. thank you for excluding me from not only your concert but also your promotional stint last saturday at sg. wang. it really made my day. i want to go on but since you lost 20 lbs for your new movie, i'll stop because i still have a soft spot for you.
according to my horoscope, i am going to find love in 2007. somehow, i don't see that coming. at all. there are no options at the moment and i don't see how that will change given my dull lifestyle and a social circle as small as the circumference of a ping pong ball.
my life is a mess.
i despise people with success
186^arch♥byz
�¥հt
Saturday, January 27, 2007 10:15 pm
186^arch♥byz
i'll be there for you...
Friday, January 26, 2007 9:01 pm
i finally get to complete one of the things that i have always wanted to do; watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S from season 1 to 10. i have watched every episode of friends. i am done! i started watching season 1-2 and a bit of season 3 in 2005 but then it all came to a halt when first year ended. since i own none of those dvd's i stopped watching until i stumbled upon the collection at JBHifi end of last year. it was not cheap (after the conversion) but it was not that expensive either. so i started buying season 4 to sorta pick up where i left it. and i continued buying season after season after i found out that it was even cheaper at HMV. and at long last, i am done watching the series. and i LOVE it. i absolutely love the show and the cast. but i especially liked chandler/matthew perry. he is just so funny and lovable. sometimes in an unconventional way but i still like to watch him.
and thanks to F.R.I.E.N.D.S (i've been watching it for the last 2 months), i am now interested in their other works. i started watching "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" today (dl-ing the 2nd ep now), am going to start watching "Dirt" once i get it off yen li, and then i'm gonna check if there's any discount on "Band of Brothers".
this might be a little too late but i am gonna miss the show. it truly was an amazing show. the good news is, i can watch it again anytime i want because i have the dvd's now. i'll get season 1 and 2 once it goes on sales. and no, no one can borrow it. yes, i am a stinky selfish bugger. :) how nice would it be if i could watch it again starting from season 1 till 10 during the holidays. but i guess if i want to do it at one go it would be after i graduate and am hunting for job (or preparing to get into Honours *fingers crossed*).
Chandler, Joey, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel and Ross, i love you guys!
186^arch♥byz
close to you
Monday, January 22, 2007 12:05 am
in the words of David Tao's "Tian Tian":
mei you ni ri zi hen hei bai,
yuan lai zhe yang jiu shi lian ai,
wo xiang yao ni zai wo shen bian,
fen xiang sheng ming zhong de yi qie,
wo xiang yao tian tian shuo,
tian tian shuo,
tian tian dui ni shuo wo you duo ai ni
186^arch♥byz
i am not abnormal. ok, maybe a tiny teeny weeny bit...
Friday, January 19, 2007 10:44 pm
walked around the city today. can say went shopping but didn't buy any unnecessary things. just had the urge to check out the new stuff after reading shop 'til you drop. i really really wanna go to bridge road but i guess i can only do that either after my mid sem, which is next next monday, or after my final which is on valentine's day. yippee! zzz.... i really wanna dig dig dig and find cheap and nice stuff from sunny girl. hmph! but am currently sorta broke so unless i refuse to eat anything, i can't afford to go on a shopping spree. i absolutely won't give up my food la coz i love my food too much. too damn much. i will survive..... consumerism. bah!
saw some new things that i wanna buy when i have the extra money. saw this gorgeous bag from witchery, and this other top from grab. i can't possibly afford the bag right now, or at any moment when it's not on sale. the top.. i'll think about it. must find a job after finals. MUST. can someone please hire me...? finally got my hands on "The Purpose Driven Life". have been looking for it for 1-2 months. sold out everywhere. will start on it on Sunday. and also, at long last... i managed to get F.R.I.E.N.D.S season 9. !@#$%^*... i've been waiting for it for ages! i just finished watching the first 4 episodes. aaah..... and i feel extremely good :D
totally unrelated but i must say, i LOVE my lecturer, Associate Professor John Handley. he's the best! he is so good. he is seriously my favourite lecturer so far. i like him more than rob brown or michael lambar..lam.. something. and he's gonna be teaching me again in semester 1 for investment. woo hoo! and and and.....i'm so proud of myself for not missing any lectures or tutorials for the past 2 weeks *ahem*. which is equivalent to 6 weeks in normal semester. that IS an achievement. and i've been very hardworking, doing my tute work with yen li in the library everyday after lecture. we're sooooooo going to get H1 for derivative securities!!
ok, i need to sleep now.
ooh! i wanna be like Chris Gardner... i just watched "The Pursuit of Happyness". he is my inspiration. together with Elaine Chao. i wanna be successful. and R-I-C-H. ($_$). the end.
186^arch♥byz
dvd ada?
Wednesday, January 17, 2007 11:15 pm
was checking the movies at hoyts website. came across a lot of movies that i wanted to watch. i almost forgot to breath when i saw that "Letters from Iwo Jima" will be showing at melbourne central on 22/2/07. it has been a looooooooooooooooooooooong wait. ken watanabe...*drool*
there are in fact a lot of movies that i'm interested to watch, especially after watching the Golden Globes yesterday night. btw, a big fat CONGRATULATION to mr. Hugh Laurie for bagging the best performance by an actor in a tv series-drama. 2 years in a row.. woo hoo! also, congratulations to Emily Blunt (she is just so gorgeous) although i wanted her to win for "The Devil Wears Prada" and to Clint Eastwood for "Letters from Iwo Jima".
i reeeeeeealy wanna watch:
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA---> one more month :(
a confession of pain
curse of the golden flower
protege
LUST, CAUTION (still filming... :( )
pan's labyrinth
apocalypto
BABEL
hannibal rising
the queen
bobby
ghost rider
the fountain
i would like to watch these movies when i have the opportunity in the future
arthur and the invisibles
epic movie
perfume
the last king of scotland
little children
notes on a scandal
the good shepherd
186^arch♥byz
in my own world
Sunday, January 14, 2007 8:51 pm
just watched Daniel Henney's videos of him and his mum's visit to korea on youtube. OMG he is SO HOT. so bloody HOT. and so Y-U-M-M-Y. *drool*. i was all over him in late 2005/early 2006 but then the feelings just faded away after Lee Hom came out of "hibernation". i think. and then Julio Acconci from Soler took over for a few months but Lee Hom always managed to outclass these people whom i idolised when he's absent. *sigh*
Daniel Henney might be no.2, but he's a really tough competitor for mr Wang. there are quite a number of similarities between them... so it's hard to choose which one to eliminate. being a person who enjoys the best of both worlds, i'm going to ignore monogamy for now and ogle at both of them. yum...
186^arch♥byz
satisfaction
Tuesday, January 09, 2007 9:24 pm
introducing my homemade burger ramly. who says you can't have your favourite malaysian food when you're not in malaysia? so what if they don't have hawker stands? so what they don't have roadside burger stalls? so what if they don't sell burger ramly patty at the supermarkets? get some cabbage, bread, patty, butter, worchestershire sauce and the MUST HAVE chilli sauce and ta-da! there you have it, your very own burger ramly.
when there is a will, there is a way. i say, when there is craving, there is a way to stop it; you make what you crave for, and after you have it, your craving will stop. and you'll be happy too.
p/s: wanted to make burger daging special but takde telur kat rumah... :( and it's burger ramly because it's buatan malaysia and i prefer to guna bahasa melayu when i'm talking about er.... malay stuff?
186^arch♥byz
minum milo anda jadi sihat and KUAT
Thursday, January 04, 2007 10:41 pm
miss chin managed to carry that Vestby chest of drawer home from IKEA together with that letter tray thinggy. she assembled the unit all by herself, then brought it upstairs. not only that, she also succeeded in changing the light bulb of that intimidating ceiling lamp with no outside help. i think she deserves a round of applause, no?
186^arch♥byz
you've got mail
9:46 pm
i was reading melanie's blog and i thought, would my friends(back home) actually put in the effort to buy me meaningful gifts for my 21st birthday? i doubt so. will they even post me a birthday card, all the way to australia? ha ha ha. i got one mail from home last year. it was a (free) postcard (from IKEA) from yapyeeleng. but still, it made my day. that was it. the ONLY personal mail in 2005. and just when i was losing hope that i'll ever receive a mail from msia (or *ahem* the states), i opened my mailbox and guess what i found! a card from malaysia. kad dari malaysia. it even has the cop bangi. gembira giler babi wei! judging from the handwriting, it was from my BEST FWEN. i want to write your name here but i think you've got enough publicity from my (previous) blog already. hehe. �h��!!i lap yiu. it was super late(christmas was 2 weeks ago, wei) but it was the thought that counts. so, one down and many more to go. if there are any. RM1.40 only for a card. cheap right?
i'm still waiting...
186^arch♥byz
everyone is everywhere
Tuesday, January 02, 2007 11:58 pm
one is in malaysia, one is in the states, one is in russia and two are in australia. wouldn't it be nice if all of them are able to meet up for one afternoon at the ABC shop, and talk about the past? talk about the trainings, about insignificant things and just enjoy each other's company? and probably enjoy making fun of the one who is in russia. well, she's always half a beat slower so that's what make her an easy target. i miss the trainings with you guys. i miss comp. squad '02.
one is in australia, two are in the states and three are in malaysia. wouldn't it be nice if all of them can meet up and share each other's life, talk about everything and have fun together like how they did in the past? tease each other, play "chor dai dee" with someone's little cards, or maybe the guessing game like how we did in form 4. i miss sec school. i miss 2/3/4/5 berlian. i miss the friendship. i miss you all. each and everyone one of you.
one is in melbourne, one is in kajang/pj and one is in honolulu. would't it be nice if all of them can gather at someone's house up the not-so-high hill(beside the kuil) and spend time talking crap and laughing at stupid things and mocking/teasing each other? setting up fake bands/groups modelled after bands/groups that we don't even like, watching old comedies and gossip about other ppl. i miss making a fool out of myself when i'm with you two. i miss teasing the one in honolulu and laugh about it with the one in kajang/pj. i miss defending myself as being labelled a rich spoiled brat when the other two don't agree with me when CLEARLY, i have the better idea/plan. wakakaka. ok la, i miss being able to pretend to "fat pei fei" for no reason and then get ignored/"scolded" by the other two. mostly by the one in kajang/pj coz the one in honolulu is super blur. i miss being able to let my hair down and be myself.
186^arch♥byz
they're coming!
Monday, January 01, 2007 6:06 pm
went out for the new year's eve celebration at docklands and fed sq yday. the docklands one sounds interesting but it was pretty boring coz the performances before the 9.15pm fireworks were mainly for kids. we left after the first fireworks and went to fed sq. @#$%^&! there were heaps and heaps and heaps of people in the city. flinders/swanston and fed sq were thronged with people. i have never seen such massive crowd in my life. it truly was the biggest party of the year. but it was boring as well.
we waited there for almost 2 hours for the midnight fireworks. the indians almost went crazy during the bollywood dance. during that half an hour, it was a very dangerous place. at 10 to 12, we wanted to cross the bridge to the other side for a spot coz we have no idea where the fireworks was going to be but then, even a snail can beat us to it so we stopped outside transport and stood by the roadside. a band was playing in transport so we couldn't hear the countdown from the stage (if it had one). we only knew it was already 2007 when the first fireworks went off. it lasted for 10 minutes. it was very pretty. similar to the one at docklands but nothing compared to the commonwealth games, but i don't care. I LOVE fireworks. i absolutely love it. it'll be great with i have friends like Eason Chan's, who would chip in for fireworks display as a wedding gift. hehehe. well, i'm sure Lee Hom's friends can afford it. i'm not picky. KAKAKAKA. ok, that's just crap.
anyway, i have to (sort of) change my new year resolutions to make it more diverse. in other words, so that i can have more options to choose what i promised myself. that last sentence sounds a bit off but WTH. so, here goes.
draw near to God
good time management= balance between sleep, studies, entertainment, social life
exercise= LOSE WEIGHT LIKE MAD before 18/06/07= go back to being slightly underweight like in form 5
get out of my comfort zone and meet new people=be less anti-social
do something crazy eg. skydiving, rollercoster rides, NAPE-PIERCING, belly-piercing (if i managed to achieve no.3), dye my hair to a lighter shade of brown
and ooh, 2007 is apparently a good year for me to *ahem* meet "someone". wahahahahaha *pengsan*
