archobyz

leave of absence

2011-09-26T00:14:00.003+08:00

most of the time, the things i write here are directed back to myself. i actually find it quite therapeutic talking to myself thru this blog. but lately, more like for the past year, the inconvenience of not having quick access to the internet 24/7 on my laptop and the lack of "real" alone time for me to pause and gather my thoughts into a post have made this more of a chore than a channel to express myself. it also sucks that i kinda feel a bit self-conscious about the things i put in here; in other words, i can't actually say what i want to avoid confrontations.

i'm still figuring out a way to get around this. till then, i'm still on my leave of absence.

2011-08-17T23:48:00.001+08:00

just because

here's to the next chapter!

2011-03-25T22:07:00.002+08:00

dear blog,

i'm so sorry to have been neglecting you for the past few months. don't worry. i will start writing very very soon, when april starts and my new adventure begins.

i promise.

love,
me

starting over

2010-12-05T02:04:00.002+08:00

after such a long time ignoring my blog, i find it hard to write about things. any thing, whether random or not. twitter seems faster and more straight-to-the-point. but that is more of talking to an audience. this is different. well, at least that's what i think. this is one of the few places where i can express myself without having to explain myself. just a place for me to rant and not care if there is anyone out there reading this. pieces of my mind for myself.

lets start from 0.

blank.

interview please!

2010-06-29T23:07:00.001+08:00

just applied for 5 different posts on jobstreet. keeping my fingers crossed. real hard.

love is in the air

2010-05-28T02:30:00.002+08:00

a random visit to a friend's blog made me realise that i am still in love with you, and not merely loving you. yes, i do get the butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling once in a while when i see you, which i guess you can probably tell by the look on my face. you know what i'm talking about.

can't wait for your return in approximately 12-15 hours' time :)

2010-05-28T02:20:00.000+08:00

wah my hair really quite long dy ah... so black and long.. so.. cina.... time for new colour?

how convenient it is to be absent, even for a short while

2010-05-24T22:56:00.004+08:00

it's so frustrating when you have so much to say but dont know where to start. and it's even more frustrating with you have so much to say but that person's not there. you just have to force yourself to bury it all in your heart and pretend that it'll just disappear into thin air as time goes by. sometimes i do wonder if i'm actually feeding a time-bomb inside me, one that's about to go off anytime soon especially under the current circumstances.

heard during dinner today.....

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

running in circles

2010-05-23T23:41:00.002+08:00

it may sound like i'm forcing you to choose either path, but i'm not.

i'm merely telling you the pros and cons of each option.

and reminding you along the way that i too, can choose my own path which may or may not involve you.

it's ya birthday

2010-05-17T00:34:00.000+08:00

hey love,

生日快樂

monday.. again

2010-05-17T00:26:00.003+08:00

my monday blues has official started. arghhhhhhhhh. another week of "omgosh when will it be 6??" but too bad this week it'll be "time, please PLEASE pass slowly... as slowly as you can" coz i have a gazillion things to finish up by this week. and those are real deadlines

catching up

2010-05-16T17:40:00.007+08:00

it has indeed been a long long time since the last post. or well, since a proper post.. something something to that degree. anyways, yes, i have lost the motivation to write. there are many things to write about, from that trip to sweden/finland/czech republic, to that CFA exam, to CNY and my talkative niece, to being stuck in a rut especially at work. but i was just TOO damn lazy to do anything. yes, even uploading photos on facebook.

so here's a quick recap.. from Sep'09 to May'10.. JUNE IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!!! :D

2 weeks trip to stockholm, helsinki and prague. can't wait to revisit prague. i can spend days just looking at those amazing architure

5-6 months of long distance, where the phone bill could buy me a nice bag #$%^ it's all my fault

karaoke session to celebrate new year LOL

bonuses all gone to bags, bills and what not in less than 3 months

the end of CFA level 1 exam... ta!

didnt even get to say goodbye to my still new sony vaio

same old boring CNY.. just like every year

can barely keep up with niece... she may talk better than you.. but still refuse to stay still for photos session

say hello to my Macbook Pro 13inch :))))))

the boy is finally back.... with a brand new ipod touch for me too!

the post about JEK

received an sms from JEK who was actually in the states with a new number! surprise surprise!!

can't.wait.to.quit. throw letter laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

all equipped for swimming session.. which has not started yet.. till now...

can't really quit now.. coz i'm bombarded with work.. and 5 ppl just resigned within a month O_o

ok, might quit soon since something new is coming :)))))))))

nah... here's my new chloe bag HOHOHO

JEK

2010-04-05T00:36:00.003+08:00

i saw your photos but my heart did not skip a beat. and no butterflies in my stomach too. now i know; you're the past and my heart longs for the present.

i never expect this day to come but it did. and with a heavy heart, i bid goodbye.

thank you for the beautiful memories of 2007. it was an amazing year; such unforgettable experience.

i will remember that particular evening at alice hoy, it never fails to put a smile on my face. and that particular encounter after investment tute, where i tore down my own barrier and did what i would not have done in a million years. you may call it a life-changing experience hahaha.

take care, JEK.

gant.kew.barker road.taiwan.dream come true(?). these are all history.

my quarter-life crisis

2010-02-27T17:35:00.002+08:00

going nowhere career-wise

doing something not related to my "ambition"

thinking twice about my postgrad decision

stuck in a country i do not love

zero savings

what a waste of time

2010-02-16T04:14:00.002+08:00

my life is so unexciting i can't wait for a change. and probably in all aspects too

2009-12-14T22:11:00.001+08:00

still searching for a better skin

and oh, dont forget to leave your footprints at the tagboard, if u dont mind :D

where's that post about my shoes? i need to update it

2009-12-07T23:25:00.002+08:00

the CFA paper is behind me. at least for the time being. i conclude with 99% coonfidence interval that guys in finance industry are blah. urgh.

added a pair of peep-toe stilettoes from Charles&Keith to my collection of shoes. i have thus far bought 4 pairs of shoes in just a week. what is this????

not only that, splurged rmxxx at BobbiBrown on foundation, concealer and brushes. for someone who doesn't put on make-up to work or when going out unless it's special occasions, i do own a lot damn lot of cosmetics. 3 different foundations, a number of eyeshadow palettes, tubes of mascara and lipgloss... is just too much.

omg i'm a hoarder... help!

blank

2009-12-03T23:10:00.002+08:00

i've not written anything for the past month. what happened?

coz no one's really reading anyway...

hahaha

no more doot doot... sweden

2009-11-01T00:12:00.002+08:00

omg cannot already.....

calling every single freaking-ass day... (sometimes more than once a day) is killing my wallet. susah want to cover the lubang. esp during PMS period where i can go on and on and on and on... wasting time trying to pick a fight and then accusing the other person of being a jerk and inconsiderate and then realising that i was the one to blame in the first place and apologising and being comforted and then talking and laughing as though nothing happened in the first place... KENOT OREDI.

so now, i'm gonna try to limit the talking time. so straight to the time. no more dilly-dally. only "hi.how are you? xxx. xxx. okay take care. xxx xxx xxx.goodnight bye."

coz i need the money to pamper myself XD
like... mani+pedi.. or spa... or shoes... or eason chan CD...
i love myself :)

at least i was 2 minutes earlier..

2009-10-20T22:34:00.003+08:00

at the lift.

rewind a bit and u'll get the picture...

was watching the surrogate trailer while waiting for the lift... saw a man in working attire approaching from the main entrance... kepoh a bit so looked up to see who...

JENG JENG JENG!!!

my boss.

me: morning...
boss : *smiled at me then looked at his watch to check the time (coz he normally comes in after 9:30am)*

fuh.. luckily it was only 9:15am..

boss: you stay at damansara.. quite near to work ah.. *implying he doesnt get how i can be late when i stay just 20 minutes away*
me: *silent... trying not to laugh*

then the "All Floors" lift arrived and i went in.. alone. coz the boss said he tak suka that one (was waiting for the G, 13 to 20 floors lift).

fuh. what an interesting way to start the day.

2009-10-13T01:28:00.000+08:00

happy birthday <3

these chains

2009-10-10T18:34:00.005+08:00

i've been told i'm a spoiled child who takes things for granted.
i've been told i was a good girl until after i came back from abroad that i'm a rebel.
i've been told i'm a stranger.

i can't claim that i've seen the world but i don't think i'm wrong to say that i've seen enough to actually grow up and want to live my own life, make my own decision and have an opinion. and choose to distance myself from things i view as having a negative impact on me.

i'm tired of always being nice because that is not me. Just a part of me, but not the whole thing.

and it's so frustrating justifying myself to people who won't listen at all which explains why i'm so unhappy here.

am i wrong to have to this urge to leave?

2 years old

2009-09-20T14:45:00.002+08:00

previously....

last week.....

out of nowhere... a lump sum of cash

2009-09-14T22:48:00.002+08:00

girl : my mum gave me money dy.. can go and change dy..
boy : oh okay.. how much your mum gave you?
girl : 4k
boy : 4k?????!!!
girl : ya.. why ah?
boy : my mum gave me 3k.. for my 6 months there.. and your mum gave you 4k for 2 weeks there... damn! life is so unfair man!!!
girl : *lol*

boy : ya you called.. why ah?
girl : oh i got something to tell you!
boy : what you wanna tell me?
girl : my dad is CRAZY!!!
boy : why?
girl : guess how much he's giving me
boy : 1.2 million
girl : close.. somewhere there..
boy : huh? crazy ah? hm.... xxk?
girl : yah
boy : WHAT IS THIS MAN!!!!
girl : but including air ticket lah
boy : yeah.. how much is ur air ticket
girl : 4k
boy : yah.. minus 4k.. then plus ur mum's 4k... still xxk!!
girl : hahahaha yeah..
boy : i don't want to talk to you already...

anti-previous post

2009-09-08T23:45:00.002+08:00

the other side of the line

2009-09-02T23:33:00.005+08:00

it wasnt supposed to end like this. i wasnt supposed to leave without a hug or even saying goodbye. or even one last look at you. but it did.

i know you will surely say that i was being unreasonable. not understanding. immature. but hey, that's if you look at it from your angle. i'd say it was justified.

u'd say you didnt do anything wrong and i have only myself to blame. i'd say, the fact that you did NOTHING at all, well, that was the best part.

u'd say you were busy, you had things to do. well, let me ask you this: is it impossible to do it after i leave? do you HAVE TO do it while i was there? was it so important that i had to stand at the side to wait for you to finish doing whatever it is you were doing?

by the way, just so you know, the whole point of me coming all the way down to sift through smelly guys and running kids to find you was to just spend 2 minutes telling you that i was going home, take care and good luck don't fall down on your next game. but did i actually had a chance to tell you that? uhm.. i dont think so.

so yes i do think i had the right to just walk off because i sure felt like i did not belong there at all. and why didnt i hang out with J they all? well, get this. because i have no fucking idea who they are and they sure have no fucking idea who i am. why can't i just go and talk to them and join them? well, because you, no wait, I do not just walk up to a bunch of ppl (and only one of them who have a faint idea of who the hell i am), introduce myself as someone's girlfriend and just "hang out" with them like normal friends who has known each other for donkey years and share the same passion for cool sports. and why not? well because if you know me well enough, you wouldnt have to ask that question at all. are you saying that i'm an arrogant bitch? well, maybe. it's up to you what you wanna say about me, really. but i know what i do, and what i don't do. and i don't want to be under someone's shadow. you know who i'm talking about.

for you, it's family. for me, yeah it's family too, but YOUR family. and where do i stand? outside your little circle. yeah, the one which has another circle inside which says "Teammates Only" and outside it, "Persons related to hockey only like hockey friends whom I have known for ages". where do i stand again? why don't we do this simple comparison? where do i stand vs where did your other "friends" stand. see the difference? let's do another simple calculation. how many of your family members know your past "friends" and well, are friends with them? now how many of your family members know me, or well, doesnt give me that look when i'm at the changing area looking for you? see the difference?

so now you know where i stand? so now you know why i wasnt so keen on looking for you at the changing area? so now you know why i don't watch your game as frequently as i'd like to?

because i feel like an outcast whenever i'm at the ice rink.

i...

2009-08-12T20:57:00.002+08:00

was struggling to fit into my jeans. when i finally did button-up, it was difficult to breathe, and even more difficult to walk properly.by then, i already gave up on trying to sit without injuring my internal organs.

this means, i'm now "bigger" than first year of uni.

argh!

also, i'm no longer using my touchscreen phone. instead, i now communicate using my "alarm clock", the antique nokia 7250i. remember that colour camera phone i used to hide in my pocket in school? yes, it's that same phone from 2003.

6 years old. fuh!

nvm nvm... my new canggih phone will come next week :)

anyway, the niece can now say WORDS PUZZLE. fulamakatak.

why he wants to switch car with me

2009-07-26T22:09:00.004+08:00

A : wah damn nice lah his car...
B : huh?
A : your boyfriend's car..
B : MY CAR LAH!

oh, and if you didn't know, i'm no longer driving the "truck" :)

and i'm left with 200 bucks...

2009-07-15T22:06:00.003+08:00

it must have been those magazines i bought 1-2 weeks back. or maybe that particular page in The Edge with that Laura Mercier lip stain thinggy. well anyway, i decided that it's time for me to be more "presentable" at work so i was thinking of a fuss-free way to put on make-up everyday when i'm still half asleep and show up at work in a more "decent" manner. well, i did wear make-up to work when i first started but after a month or so, it seemed better to spend that 15-20 minutes in bed, rather than in front of the mirror drawing my eyeliner. so more the most of my working life, i show up at work looking rather, dull.

it was not too long ago when i mentioned the fact that i do not wear make-up to work to my friend whom i shall call... miss kapak. miss kapak was so shocked and angered by this that the first thing she said after her "HUH???????!!!!!!!!" was "hou sam lei ler... RESPECT A BIT!!".

wow.

the next thing i know, i was on my way to the nearest shopping mall to get my hands on the multi-colour loose powder and the mineral make-up set. yes yes i know i already own a bottle of Laura Mercier liquid foundation and that Prescriptive loose setting powder. Not to mention the Laura Mercier primer. but but but... my mind was set on getting a powder foundation and THAT particular multi-colour loose powder because i have oily skin and my liquid foundation normally melts after 3-4 hours and takes a longer time to apply and powder is better for oily skin and my sister (and a whole lot of magazines) said the loose powder is good.

and so, i'm now left with 200 bucks in my bank account and eating kuaci for dinner *peace* and i love what i bought :)

oh, i'm still eyeing that customisable palette from bobbi brown (esp the lip quad)and a new primer from guerlain :P

tadaa!!

july is here... sobs

2009-07-09T22:03:00.003+08:00

one month without a single post is WRONG. just wrong. so, here's a pointless post just to make my blog seem less boring lol.

watched MJ's public memorial service yesterday. i feel so sad especially for his kids. sigh.

fatboy is currently in finland babysitting a bunch of kids (less than 10 yo) with hockey sticks. and he refused to buy me anything from there coz it's in euros. sheesh.

i now have an additional foldable table in the room (in uptown) for me to study. yes, STUDY *cough* when someone saw the table, it went something like this:

boy : see.. last time ask u to get the table for me to have a proper place to eat u don't want.
girl : mm...
boy: ah now i can have a table to eat properly already..
girl : mm...
boy : ei..... how did u carry the table up here?
girl : i'm linda chin

june is here, again

2009-06-10T22:59:00.003+08:00

one more week left and the list is still NOT out yet. argh. can't think of what i want. but well well well, don't care la. can't really afford it but it WILL be mine, sooner or later. here goes...

sunglasses from chanel style 5124

card case from fendi in white (this is not the real image because i can't find the pic but looks something like this)

atlas sterling silver ring from tiffany

paloma picasso loving heart ring from tiffany

cream sandal from bimba & lola

ok, i think i'm getting the sunglasses next week, and the sandals the week after. and maybe the fendi card case by the end of july.

haih... no money ah..

flat line

2009-06-07T18:45:00.001+08:00

change

quit my job

CFA

is this june?

2009-06-03T23:22:00.002+08:00

celebration mood : OFF
wanna get drunk till i pee in my pants mood : ON

so maybe there won't be a List this year. yeay?

running in the dark

2009-06-03T22:01:00.006+08:00

please be warned that this was written by an emotionally-overwhelmed person who did not know what to do with the piece of information she just received hours ago. hence, it may contain some biased opinions and thought which she may or may not regret afterwards.

i am at a crossroad, not knowing which path to take. i never thought i'd be here this fast, having to choose between 2 extremes at this point in time. yes there were disagreements and arguments but i don't think the honeymoon period is over yet. until now. i think it just officially ended when those words were uttered. softly but nonetheless piercing.

at the start, when things were rosy and nice, it was such an easy task to just look the other side and be cool about things which were a no-no to me. i mean come on, if it's serious, it'll eventually be out of your face, voluntarily. some did. but i was not so tolerant on 2 particular issues of which i was assured, i repeat, assured that it will go according to plan. the 2 most important things which matter a lot to me because i deem it against my principle to accept something less than these.

time goes by and now, i'm slapped in the face with the news that one of these, the easier one, could not be done. so it's up to me to take it or leave it. as simple as that. a few more steps to the finish line and i was told it will not be done because of a simplistic, "i just don't want to do it anymore". years of unfinished business just out of the window at this crucial time.

how do you expect me to swallow this and pretend nothing ever happened when just months ago, i was informed that someone can't wait to get over this obstacle and move on to the next stage in life, with me in hand? how do you expect me to swallow this when i was eagerly waiting for it to end so that i, i mean we, don't have to be a denial anymore? how do you expect me to swallow this when i have been planning the perfect gift for the occasion when someone receive his "get out of jail" pass?

this decision is something i really really cannot comprehend. something beyond my understanding. i just couldn't find an explanation to justify it. and i certainly cannot accept it. not at this moment.

but still, i am torn inside between my conscience and my heart. and it hurts so bad.

are fairytale endings really just, fairytale endings?

model boyfriend #1

2009-05-18T00:08:00.002+08:00

two weeks before...

her : eh i wanna go to the pasar malam at connaught. we can go on xxx-date because u don't have hockey that day
him : ok lor

one week before...

her : wei going to pasar malam next week okay?? i'll come back ealier then can go from my house
him : u sure i don't have hockey that night?
her : yes checked already no hockey you're free
him : ok lor

one day before...

her : wei going to pasar malam tomorrow ah..
him : don't go la.. why u wanna go?
her : i wanna go there and buy food la
him : no need la.. eat so much, fat la.. don't go la
her : i wanna go.. u don't have hockey also.. come la.. go pasar malam
him : i wanna go for hockey tomorrow. don't go pasar malam la
her : but u're not playing also
him : play for another team la
her : . . . FINE

in the end, tak jadi pergi pasar malam for makan...

homeboy

2009-05-17T23:02:00.002+08:00

went for leehom's autograph signing at solaris mont kiara on April 7 and concert at bukit jalil stadium on may 2. these are some of the pics because i'm lazy to write. u can read all of it in the newspaper what.... cheers.

May 17

2009-05-17T22:49:00.000+08:00

hey homeboy,

it's Ya Birthday

trophy girlfriend #1

2009-04-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

Scenario 1

B : I don't think i'm going shopping with you later la..
G : oh.. it's ok la. why ah?
B : i have futsal at 10pm
G : futsal? with who?
B : with my other friends
G : can i go and laugh at you?

Scenario 2

G : you got hockey at 10 tonight right?
B : dunno la what time..
G : it's 10 la
B : why? u wanna come?
G : yeah i'm coming
B : why you wanna come and see the game when there's a high chance of losing?
G : that's the whole point lah

sharing is caring?

2009-04-13T02:03:00.001+08:00

who says honesty is the best policy?

maybe it's time to go back to keeping everything to myself. perhaps to make things seem rosy and nice but it is in actual fact slowly decaying beneath the surface.

Gemini relationships - Roller coaster of love

2009-03-22T19:56:00.004+08:00

Gemini relationships can be challenging for their partner. Mercurial Geminis have deeply intelligent, unpredictable and versatile personalities.

Like Still Waters, Gemini Emotions Run Deep
Geminis never leave you guessing what is going on with them. Their faces tell it all; their eyes are either glowing from a heartfelt joy, or darkened by unhappy and depressing feelings of anger or despair. There is seldom ever any gray area, and this fact can make the Gemini relationship a daily roller coaster ride.

As Geminis mature, they become more able to manage their turbulent emotions. Male Geminis are often less emotional in relationships than their female counterparts. However, never assume that a quiet or calm Gemini is content. Their kinetic brains are always at work coming up with ideas and solutions to achieve their ultimate success.

Gemini Relationships and the Concept of True Love
Because Gemini tends to be courageous and even a little foolhardy in nature, they do not fear plunging headlong into passionate love. Casting aside doubt and other obstacles, Geminis will love with all their heart and passion. They truly experience all the wonder and magic of true love because of their willingness and need to experience life to the fullest. To be loved by a Gemini is to be loved fully by your partner.

The Course of True Love Never Runs Smooth
Geminis are an air sign. They are wanderers, and as such they are always moving toward new and interesting parts of life. They will require a partner that is not insecure and will either tolerate or join them in their wanderings, both physical and mental.

If Geminis become bored and feel encumbered by a relationship, they will not have a moment's hesitation about ending the relationship in order to move on to a happier place. However, if the Gemini relationship is a source of support and happiness, there is no more passionately loyal partner than the sign of the twins.

It's Nothing Personal
If you are deeply sensitive, a Gemini relationship may be tough to live with. Geminis have a quick wit and a quicker tongue, and sometimes say things that are hurtful without meaning to do so. This is not intentional, as a Gemini would never calculate to hurt someone they care for. This tendency to speak without thinking can also cause them to make promises that they cannot make good on. Again, remember that Geminis are more apt to be unthinking than unfeeling.

As the partner in a Gemini relationship, there will be times when you may feel unimportant. This usually happens when a new situation or friend has entered the Gemini's life and they are intently exploring the new possibilities, appearing to have forgotten your existence. The best way to weather this situation is to enjoy the novelty with your Gemini partner, listen with interest to their observations, and most of all don't cling. This situation will pass as suddenly as it appeared. Bright Gemini will soon satisfy the curiosity and move on to wonder what you have been up to.

'Til Death Do Us Part
Once a Gemini finds "the one", they are loyal and trustworthy spouses. It is often a long-time friend that a Gemini chooses to settle down with. The need to be mentally stimulated and have an accepting partner makes being friends first the basis for a successful Gemini relationship.

Enthusiastic companions who will treat life as a wonderful journey are the ideal mates for a Gemini. They should value humor, because Geminis will never miss an opportunity to laugh. Partners that are observant and a little intuitive will also be appreciated. They should know when to disengage from an argument, and also be aware that sometimes a blue mood can be turned around quickly with some affection and a thoughtful gesture.

just like the stock market

2009-03-16T00:33:00.004+08:00

ok. a less emo post since i'm finally feeling sane again (for the time being). i am getting it out of my system, okay? i need time. at least i have work and GYM (yes, i am going to the gym starting tmr :P) to keep me occupied this whole week. am planning a clubbing session this this friday with miss eva. and hopefully a karaoke session with yinng and gang either on sat/sun.

since the boyfriend has been telling me to "go out with your friends la" for i dunno how long, i am trying to rebuild or well, expand my social circle here since i only hang out with me, me, him, me, px, me, him, me, his friends, me and me. don't get me wrong. i am not a leech. i'm not lah! it's just that, ppl i normally hang out with are, well, not here. and sometimes it seems like it's against the law to go jalan jalan alone. or stone at home alone. humph. fine lor. don't complain when u can't find me >/

and the gym thing? to lose some flab. the first thing that greets me when i'm home, "you've put on weight. go lose some weight. fat already" bla bla bla. FINE LOR. anyway, i can't take it anymore now that my pants are tighter and my arms are flabby and my thighs look like they belong to the elephant. and the CHIN omg i tell you the freaking chin. sheesh.

further to that, i am on a bet. someone has to lose 3 times the amount i lose. more, you win. less, I WIN. muahahahaha. read my lips. I.WILL.WIN. you LOSER!

and oh, out of nowhere, i just have the urge to do another nape piercing. but then, i'm having long hair now so, what's the point? haha. maybe AFTER my bday. see how lah. yeay my birthday in 3 months' time :D

should i dye my hair? look very dead now. urgh i hate my hair.

ok need to pack. got work in the morning. arghhhhhhhhh

eww

2009-03-15T19:38:00.002+08:00

i can't believe i just did that. i seriously cannot believe what i just freaking did.

it was as though i had dug through piles and piles of buried past without consent. it was as though i had violated someone's privacy. i had just went through a load of information which i am not supposed to know. behind someone's back. things which i had chosen to ignore in the first place. which i had chosen to not give a f-king damn about them. because i thought it didn't matter. because i thought it shouldn't matter. because i thought i was above it.

well, it really shouldn't matter anymore but right now at this moment, this f-king moment, the phrases and images from the past which were not meant to be viewed by me are going through my head and being imprinted in my memory. and no matter how hard i try to erase them, they just would not go away.

and now i'm drown by guilt. my whole body, from each strand of my hair to my toes, is filled with guilt. i went behind someone's back and did this utterly horrible thing. i have betrayed that person's trust. i should not have done it but i did. and i did it at this point in time.

it really REALLY should not matter anymore! because it was freaking in the freaking past and i am now living in the present and looking towards the future. what matters most is the NOW and the FUTURE, NOT THE F-KING PAST!!!!!!!!!i kept telling myself this but somehow, it doesn't seem to work. why??? WHY???? (i'm hyperventilating and my mind is gonna explode soon)

i want to come clean (directly) but i am just so afraid. i am so scared that it will ruin every single thing and leads to never-ending arguments. i am just so terrified to find out that person's reaction and perception of me from now on.

i am so disgusted with myself. yuck.

digging my own grave? i think so

2009-03-13T23:52:00.004+08:00

GAH i stumbled upon something and i couldn't resist digging deeper and deeper to feed my curiousity it is now hazardous to my mental state because one part of me wants to continue on while the other just can't take it anymore.

fuck i think i'm gonna have nightmares later. sei mou...

from general to personal, yeah i am a stalker

2009-03-13T22:00:00.005+08:00

facebook should seriously ban me from stalking people i know. why? coz i am a damn good stalker you'd be surprised how much i know from the puzzle pieces i pick along the way. i may not be 100% accurate, but trust me, i DO know :). yes i think too much which then leads me to find out more to test my hypotheses. and no, no such thing as being too curious. only then you will have the urge to find out more, to learn more, to be surprised. and most of the time, to then share the info with other ppl to have a GOOD LAUGH XD

well, u can check with my ex-hommies on my stalking skills, if you're just dying to find out more. i bet no one is so lets move along now...

and so, i was browsing through facebook just now and i chanced upon something which bothered me for a bit. and being the typical me, thoughts of differing stands started to form in my mind and i was torn between choosing my heart and my mind. of course, me being me (again), i listened to my heart only to realise moments later that i was being too immature to look past the big picture and jumped straight to my own one-sided conclusion. but this only happened after i found out something else (which kinda eased my mind a bit) while going through someone's photos halfway (damn a lot of photos lah diu). so, in a more relaxed and "concisous" state, i thought it might be good to catch up on my old friends, see what's new in their life, bla bla bla..

and...

JENG JENG!!!!

guess who else is IN LURVE!! hahahahaha. i think it's safe to that this particular person do not read my blog (anymore) since this individual is busy keeping in touch with someone else at another side of the planet (well, if you do read my blog, u know i mean no harm :D) but anyway....... yeah, i was just clicking on some photos and JENG JENG!! saw something and went back to the main profile page and JENG JENG!! saw the status which confirmed the photos and JENG JENG!! saw the wall posts which further solidified the whole matter and JENG JENG!! some things never change, eh? LOL. yeah, some things just never change. like how smart i am in deciphering symbols and codes and what nots (when it does not concern me because apparently, i am DAMN DAMN BODOH when it comes to my own matter, to which i agree) HAHAHAHA.

well, looks like it's going well and they're having fun and are very happy so of course i'm happy for them. or else, it would be too long i tell you, too long. congratulations. but just try not to get urself burnt again. like how this writer is trying to. to become a better person. a better version.

an understanding one who do not simply throw tantrums for no reason and one who look at things from your perspective and know why you did what you did. at times when that person is not doing this, understand that she is trying her very best to fulfil this because sometimes, it just feels easier to give up on this uphill struggle. but she will not give up because she knows it is for the benefit of two person.

and she wants you to know that she felt the same way as you when she left the airport.

even the boyfriend said...

2009-03-08T17:56:00.001+08:00

i need to lose weight.

like, seriously.

damn.

they called it saint valentine's day

2009-02-16T00:11:00.003+08:00

a nice quiet dinner at new place which is slightly out of the way

companion (for me and worry bear) + chocs (already in my stomach)

in return...

random choice of dinner place because of timing issue

speechless

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

<3

2009-02-15T12:34:00.000+08:00

i left my heart in ...

2009-02-06T23:30:00.004+08:00

melbourne, i miss you, i really do.

uni life, i miss you, i really do.

2005-2007, i miss you, i really really do.

hiding in my 185 room watching clips after clips of Lee Hom. walking back to IH from uni on an autumn evening, enjoying the magnificent view of trees with colourful leaves lining royal parade. having gelati at freddo's. waiting for dinner on tuesdays and thursdays wearing the "harry potter cloak" over t-shirt and shorts paired with thongs. walking around the city alone in sydney. walking around uni of sydney alone, admiring the architecture while waiting for melanie, and sitting in in one of her classes. visits to brunetti's. sitting at my desk watching soler again and again almost every night. the sound of the trams passing by on elizabeth street from the room. preparing dinner at 6, peeling garlics and shallots and thinking of what to cook. cooking for my housemates when they have late classes. church camp and sambal goreng. grocery shopping on saturday afternoon and lunch at maccas afterwards. and shopping in the city after that. very successful (and now legendary lol) butter prawns. being a hermit during summer 2006-2007, watching seasons after seasons of friends while having take-away XO fried rice from red silk. determination for derivatives resulting in library session after every lecture and before tutorial. nape piercing on valentine's day 2007. walking home from uni on leicester street in the evening with my ipod on. looking forward to investments tutorial at 4:15pm every thursday for 10 weeks at alice hoy in semester 1 of year 3. study sessions at state library. bubble tea at easy way. weekly visit to the chinese cd shop after bubble tea at easy way. iced chocolate and iced tea from le favourite. sunday service at cross culture. safeway and laguna. waffle with strawberries at max brenner. full attendance for tax law tutorial every monday at 2:15pm at law building. the smell of bodyshop passionfruit lip butter and dkny be delicious perfume. walking in the city, anytime, anywhere. stopping by at mouche on little collins, and still not knowing how to pronounce the name. meals at dessert house. subway's soft chocolate chip cookie. australian fresh apple mango juice. soy life milk hi calcium low fat soy milk. sitting on the grass, overlooking the river and talking to kenny one evening in adelaide. red rock deli sour cream and sweet chili chips. doritos corn chips with mozzarella cheese and doritos salsa. pokka green tea peach. breakfast at mart 130. last dinner of 2007 at horoki.

especially you, 2007. i can never ever forget you.

i was a fare evader...

2009-02-01T00:33:00.003+08:00

i received the angpow from my dad on cny eve and to my horror found out that the value had shrinked considerably (50% WEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII) and thus, the unpleasant fact that i had to personally fork out another $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ to repay my sis for my hp. which means i'll be RMxxx poorer. dah lah bonus tak bagus. OH MAN. i think i have to survive on plain white bread for breakfast and RM3.50 wonton mee for lunch (and no drinks and fruits afterwards) and RM5 dinner at kedai kopi D.U for 2 months. sobs.

ANYWAY, my bro has finally decided to repay his 10-year debt (hooray!) but that idiot has also decided to pay by giving me cheques from his customers which i can only bank in to get my MONEY at the end of feb and march (WTF). argh.... got duit but cannot use because not cash yet. BABI!!!!! which means.............. i have to fork out even MORE MONEY from my bank account at the moment to repay my sis AND my cousin (for the wrislet :P) which translates into a very kosong bank account/wallet/pocket/"water supply" for the month of feb (where you have to bloody spend money money money everywhere if you're attached T__T). hmph.

on top of that.. my dad sorta complained about my plastic-swiping habit :( and now i'm thinking whether i should get one myself. as in, based on my own income and paying ability. my net worth. i swipe i pay i die thing. and so, i was browsing through the credit card section at citibank and one of the documents needed for an application is the EA form.

=.=

and i am now disqualified from applying for a credit card BECAUSE I BELUM LODGE MY INCOME TAX RETURN THINGGY WHATEVER YOU CALL IT BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE AN INCOME TAX NUMBER THINGGY BECAUSE i haven't done a thing to ... do anything related to my income tax thing. because my boss' secretary's advice to me was "wait till they found out you haven't pay your tax then they will mail you the number and ask you to pay. so you don't have to susah payah take leave and go to the office to get it". lol.

and so, my conclusion now is, #$%^ it i'm gonna continue with my current lifestyle LOL :D

sometimes when you're too focused on something...

2009-01-26T23:15:00.004+08:00

and it went something like this...

M: eh eh don't go first.. come here.. COME LAH... i wanna see something here...

N: what you wanna see..?

M: eh eh (point point) this one quite nice la... (move closer to have a better view)

N: ................

M: eh.. this one is *DOOOOONG!!*

N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA damn bodoh lah you HAHAHAHAHAHA

M: HAHAHAHAHAHA (rubs forehead) yer... why you laugh at me? hahaha

close one eye

2009-01-25T01:27:00.003+08:00

even jolin tsai has a song on it, so i shall do the same...?

it's not that i don't. i do. i mean, it's a free world isn't it? everyone's entitled to their own freedom. their right to do whatever they deem fit. i don't want to be the puppet master because i don't ever want to be a puppet myself.

it's just that when it crosses the (invisible) line that i'm frustrated. because i am then being put in a position where i have to choose between accommodating to someone's "entitlement" and my own principles/feelings. the hardest part here is finding the right balance between both and sticking to it. of course it's great when it goes MY WAY but then again if it is by force, it is pointless.

because you don't want to have to make it change for you.

you want it to change because it wants to change for you.

happy nu ear

2009-01-11T21:34:00.004+08:00

first off: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

just a bit of update from the last post in case you're wondering (is there anyone?) what i've been up to and what i'm doing right now.

for christmas, my family and i (ex dad) had a small getaway at colmar tropicale, bukit tinggi. nothing much has changed except that they've built 2 more big ass buildings ("castle" thing). as "nothing-to-do" as ever. christmas eve buffet dinner was good. had fun but yeah.. that's about it. then on christmas night, had church dinner at kajang as it was a yearly affair (read: boring).

then for new year, went down to Sg to visit the sister and niece (SHE'S NO LONGER A BABY *sobs*). didn't do much also except waste time and jalan jalan. bought a pair of onitsuka tiger shoes (FINALLY!!) and some baju for work. walked the whole of Sg in search for The Crumpler Bag but it was sold out. damn. luckily malaysia have 2 (now left one only haha).

i'm currently back at the KL office for good so no more waking up at 8am and reaching office at 915am and FREE PARKING and free internet usage $%^ but yeay to cheap food, good food, FOOOOOOOOD :) but traffic's gonna be a bitch. damn.

and so, it has been one heck of a week since the start of 2009. work work work. deadlines to rush. so many things to do from different people and different departments. add in hospitalisation and operation and 4 days/nights of damansara-kl-subang-damansara from 830am to 11pm and you get someone who didn't even get excited when friday came. and with no mood for shopping. SHOPPING!!! can you imagine???!!

what a way to start the year with. sigh.

unexpected revelation

2008-12-21T23:58:00.006+08:00

And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do

You make me love you

it was supposed to be a carefree day, to waste time and have fun but it turned out to be quite the opposite. instead, it was spoilt by the occasional mood swings, tensed moments and intentional silence. and all these were caused by misunderstanding. misinterpretation. misread of signs, words and gestures.

it was during one of those "i'm not talking to you" moment when i was woken up by the phrase above. i couldn't stop smiling at how it un-froze (is there such a word? nvm) me at just the right time. and also the fact that it was by miley cyrus, a budak kecik singing about puppy love. so tak tersangka. sigh.

it was the last part of the song which made me realise what a foolish day it has been, and how much trouble i'm in ;)

The 7 things I like about you

Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi’s

When we kiss I’m hypnotized

You make me laugh, you make me cry

But I guess that’s both I’ll have to buy

Your hands in mine

When we’re intertwined, everything’s alright

I wanna be with the one I know

And the 7th thing I like most that you do

You make me love you

where's my chin?

2008-12-13T10:45:00.002+08:00

this conversation (or something like that) took place while X and Y were browsing through X's pictures.

X: this is when i was in uni.......... this is i think in 2004....... gah!!! don't see don't see.. damn ugly.... ah this one is in form 5...........

Y: wah you really put on a lot of weight ah..

X: .......................

Y: hmmm... you really put on a lot of weight.

X: (#$*%^@!)

so, now you know why i say i'm fat. i mean, now ppl should know why i say i'm fat. i wasn't. i am now. damn.

anger management

2008-12-12T23:35:00.002+08:00

i was fuming but i chose to make it go away instead of lashing out at someone. it was so intense i was shaking and my mind was all over the place but i tried my very best to make it disappear.

i think it was the first time i was calming myself down, voluntarily without help.

am i turning over a new leaf?

is it by way of internal or external influence?

only time will tell.

...on the 22nd

2008-12-11T14:12:00.005+08:00

so this is a long overdue post... and i apologise for the delay. so sorry kay? cannot upload the photos onto photobucket. not to mention i DO NOT own a computer. seriously. anyway, we had bubble bath at my house, before heading out to The Apartment for dinner with the kajang bunch and then a concert at RedBox. :D mcdull ROCKS MY SOCKS!

and then

and then...

lol

baa baa rock star of the night..

hope you had a good 22nd birthday. i is laps you!!

>37.8 degree C

2008-11-30T22:35:00.002+08:00

when you are sick, all you want to do is just curl up in bed with a lifesize "teddy".

unfortunately, wishes don't always come true.

hence, the substitute. and maybe a butler too for all your n-e-e-d-s.

px turns 22...

2008-11-30T22:31:00.002+08:00

ok. i admit that i'm a lousy LOUSY friend. it's been more than a week i haven't feature her in my blog. i wanted to last week, but the photo just won't freaking load. gah. i am in serious need of a NEW laptop.

and so, this shall be the starter... with more to come, when i can properly upload the photos onto photobucket.

part II

2008-11-16T23:10:00.001+08:00

i love you so much it scares me

october | rosie thomas

2008-11-14T23:28:00.004+08:00

Make her a flower in late December
When the sun is hot and shining on her
Write her a love song and play it all day long
To remind her of all that she is worth

Never never leave her

Take her on long drives for ice cream by sea sides
And give her your coat when she is cold
Tell her you miss her when you're close enough to kiss her
And that you'd walk a thousand miles to tell her so

But never never leave her

Take photographs of her on Brooklyn street in October
When her nervous smile is slightly curved
Some days when she is slightly down tell her it's okay to frown
It makes you just fall more in love with her

But never never leave her

:)

list + anti-list + me

2008-11-12T21:44:00.004+08:00

it was such a random incident. i was standing by the road side waiting for him and i saw you. i couldn't help but laugh out loud at this amusing encounter.

part I

2008-11-11T23:12:00.000+08:00

love is blind

3am chaos

2008-11-07T22:13:00.005+08:00

there were a lot times i wanted to run away, for different reasons. but one of the major reasons which kind of shaped my thinking is this; something which i am stuck with for the rest of my life because i was not given the option to choose right from the start.

this shit has been in my life for as long as i can remember and it is still happening right up till now. i doubt it will ever stop. it will when one party turns into dust. and i have been putting up with this "situation" my whole life, keeping all my feelings and thoughts inside me, hiding it all in a little corner in my heart, trying to live a "normal" life.

and now, i do not give a damn anymore. whatever happens, it has nothing to do with me so long it does not interfere with my life right now. i am already an adult. i have the right to live my own life. i have the freedom to choose how i want to live my life.

no one knows my silent suffering, except You.

thursdays at alice hoy

2008-11-01T21:59:00.005+08:00

my feeling towards you is slowly fading away... those memories which i've held on for so long are getting fainter as time goes by. it is time for me to let go and let it remain in the past, where it should be?

lesson #45

2008-10-28T00:44:00.004+08:00

no expectation = no disappointment

when you do not expect something to happen, you will not be disappointed if it does not happen. agree or disagree?

pms?

2008-10-26T00:00:00.000+08:00

karma or hormones?

i can't be sure...

but i know i'm frustrated

2008-10-23T20:26:00.002+08:00

"...a wonderful dinner..."

just a simple phrase and i can't stop smiling

mobile

2008-10-16T19:55:00.002+08:00

being able to surf the net using your hp is great. being able to logon to facebook, read your blog AND blog anywhere anytime with your mobile phone is A-W-E-S-O-M-E :)

so guess what i'm using to write this post.

iilwy

2008-10-12T03:41:00.003+08:00

have you ever been so F pissed you just wanna smack the shit of out someone when they unexpectedly interrupt you halfway by uttering some words which made your heart melts at an instant and your mind blank for a moment you didn't know how to react?

didn't know i'll experience this but i did.
didn't know it'll have this impact on me but it did.

scary mary...

2008-09-28T22:50:00.004+08:00

it was a fine sunday afternoon. i woke up at 1pm, lazed on my bed for another hour and finally decided to "wake up". i walked to the kitchen, grabbed a banana and asked my mum, "why isn't there any newspaper?". i was interested in checking out the entertainment column. i stoned for 5 seconds when i heard her reply. below is the rest of the conversation (in mandarin):

mum: don't you know our newspaper vendor was killed? (looking at me as if i was the only one in the whole wide world who didnt know about this incident)
me: HOW WOULD I KNOW? i don't stay here.
mum: yeah, he was killed.
me: killed? what do you mean "killed"?
mum: he was shot dead while delivering newspaper early in the morning. here at bandar rinching.
me: HERE??????!!!!!!
mum: the opposite side. also bandar rinching. near the secondary school there. 5 gunshots were fired. he got 3.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! murder in semenyih and so freaking near my house!!!!!

what is this............................................... so danger manger. *shivers*

link to the newspaper article:

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/9/24/nation/2100464&sec=nation
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/9/23/nation/20080923130645&sec=nation

random fact #62

2008-09-28T01:30:00.001+08:00

i like the smell of new clothes. esp the ones from air-conditioned shops. it makes me go "OOOOH, i have NEW clothes :D"

C or D?

2008-09-28T00:48:00.004+08:00

was very adamant to get the chloe by chloe perfume until i smell the dior miss cherie blooming bouquet one last week. woah. these 2 fragrances smell alike because they're both fruity and sweet so now, i don't know which one to buy. i feel like getting both (if i can get my hands on the 30ml bottles) but then, because they are so similar, i'm sort of buying 2 of the same thing, right?

how lah?

one, two, one two....

2008-09-19T22:53:00.002+08:00

and so it happened again today. when i least expect it, there you were. and both times, when i was just about to act on it, you appeared without a sign. and you never failed to put a smile to my face. you really made my day. and i feel butterflies in my stomach once more, by just thinking of you.

and if this happen again, the third time, i will...... :)

imissyou

have you seen my brain?

2008-09-14T22:40:00.003+08:00

there were a lot of times when i wanted to blog about something but i couldn't due to the lack of internet connection or computer devices. or just sheer laziness. because of this, i tend to just group whatever that was in my mind at a particular moment and just vomit it out in a very messy post. this may continue for a while more until i get a new laptop so please just bear with me.

so, i was chatting with px the other night. it started out as an attempt to release my stress or as a channel to pour out my feelings on a certain topic. she had some issue to share with me as well at that time so, the first part of the whole conversation was about stuff that are not very happy or positive. but, it ended as a laughter-filled convesation, which i think was partly because we havent had a stupid conversation for some time and mainly because we ARE damn dumb and mean. because we not only laugh at ourselves, we LOVE to laugh at other ppl too. lol. so yeah, i told her i wanted to sleep at 12am but it dragged on till 2am. go check out her blog about the "tigger and pooh" story. DAMN DUMB i tell you...

ok i'm damn tired i wanna sleep now. so this will be a one topic post. bye.

i think i left it... oh wait, how i can i think when my brain's gone?

2008-09-06T18:38:00.003+08:00

life has been...... unexciting. except for that particular encounter a week ago lah. but other than that.... *sigh*

OH. px is officially a GRADUTE now. photo session after convo was very kecoh. SUPER duper kecoh. as usual, i try to stay out of it by standing at the side and watching other people. had dinner at kampachi. omg. i wanna visit that place again! when my next paycheck comes in lah.

fyi, i've changed my work location. i still work for the same company but am now stationed at another office... indefinitely.although it's nearer and the parking is free (my boss gave the company season parking card :)), food here is expensive and i need to pay toll. so, the RM2 i save cannot cover my meal cost. argh!!!!!!!!!!! so, now, i can burn a bigger hole in my pocket by going to MV or bangsar to pamper myself since it's so near. gah.

and i think i lost my brain because i've been doing really stupid things these few days. like, winding up the car window with my head still out (oh yes i did!). or not bringing my comb back to damansara after overnighting in semenyih. or forgetting to take my tumbler home from my old office so i can use it at my new office.

and i haven't gone on a shopping spree for a long long time. so, it's getting harder to resist the urge to just splurge on anything i deem nice. so, there's this skirt from zara, 2 pairs of shoes from zara, dresses from bcbg and warehouse, make-up, shirt from ted baker, stuff from tiffany and co., ANYTHING LAH. kesimpulannya, burn a big ass hole in my pocket. make my paycheck vanish.

and oh, nice dinners. NICE DINNERS pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. angus house, anyone?

caught by surprise

2008-08-30T01:25:00.003+08:00

i was busy when the orange indicator blinked. but when i saw that it was you, my mind went blank for a moment there.

you put a happy end to a depressing day.

but you also reopened the past.

i thought it was gone. but it is still here. as strong as ever.

and just today, i felt butterflies in my stomach. just like how i've always felt everytime i see you.

because i was thinking of you.

rip

2008-08-25T00:22:00.004+08:00

my laptop died on me. my PERSONAL laptop f-ing died on me. of old age. and the worst part is, i can't recall what i have in it because i haven't really been using it for a while now.

. . .

my life sucks.

the return

2008-08-16T17:42:00.003+08:00

i can now use internet at home. using my own laptop. my own PERSONAL laptop. with all the customized favourites and MSN messenger with EMOTICONS. think of the endless hours i can spend reading blogs, online shopping, searching for craps on wikipedia, watching videos after videos on youtube and stalking on facebook. so happy can cry. let's go celebrate at the nearest mamak.

roti tissue satu, teh ais satu.

quickie

2008-08-11T20:52:00.003+08:00

"mm saai mun ah gwai dou ji ngo yee gar haai bin dou lah"

yes people. i'm back at oldtown because i STILL don't have internet connection at home. heck, i don't even have a freaking phone line. yeay.

i wanted to write a lot of things, both work and non-work related but i think it's gonna be a maha panjang post so, i'll just write about work then. the interesting bit lah.

conversation one:

boss: (in cantonese) have you found it? can do?
me: (in cantonese) not yet. (in english) still looking...... want some chocolate? (offers the boss some Lindt chocs)
boss: eh, don't distract meeeeeeee.. (walked into his room, then out again). don't distract me...(disappeared to the other side of the office)

conversation two:

boss: nah, pass the (attendance) forms back to them. and, who is this Chin Woon Fui???
secretary: nah! she lah! Linda! (laughs and points at me, who happens to be watching them coz i was so damn bored)
boss: OH, you? haha sorry (shy). i only know you as Linda.

now let me tell you how i got lost in KL. at night. was on my way to meet px and all at zouk for mambo night. took the sprint highway route, got into jalan parlimen, was looking for jalan ampang, saw lebuh ampang but not sure where to turn so went straight down jalan pudu, wanted to use the jalan tun razak way to get to jalan ampang so didnt turn at jalan hang tuah, went all the way to pudu area past the old jail, then when i saw the PGRM sign and jusco at some distance away, i went SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!I'M IN CHERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NONONONONONO then tried my best to locate jalan tun razak but there was no freaking sign board. went round and round and finally got my ass to bulatan kampung pandan, so i found my jalan tun razak and my jalan ampang and in the end, zouk.

ok. i'm damn sien to blog more. bye.

oh, before i forget, ZHANG YIMOU ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dis/connected

2008-07-22T21:43:00.004+08:00

dear all,

i know i've been MIA for the longest time. but, i was here all along. ok, i was in spore a few weeks back but when i returned, i was cut off from the rest of the world because there was something wrong with the internet connection at home. bah! and then i started work (yes, i AM working now. in KL) and moved to uptown damansara. yes of course we have internet at the office but MSN messenger is banned and i can only curi-curi use e-buddy. and i've been wanting to update my blog but, WHO BLOGS in the office???!! i was told that apparently, the IT dept knows what's in your comp. hence, the inability for me to dl MSN messenger.

ANYWAY, nothing interesting about my job. i took it because the boss seemed to be very keen on training me. and, i was at a point where i'll just work with anyone. even part time at tiffany's. but then again, this job is somewhat related to what i studied and i have the opportunity to learn from every dept so i guess it's kinda like a blessing. esp for someone with such mediocre result and zero experience. not to mention, unprepared for the interview.

and oh, the house that i'm staying in right now doesnt have any internet connection. which was why i normally stayed in office till about 7pm to use the internet for my personal stuff. like going on facebook, reading asian fanatics forum and checking the online shopping websites. "illegally". and my place is at the jalan where ppl go to the pantry so, it's a bit dangerous to be msn-ing during work hour. sekali my boss walk past. dah lah i'm situated just outside his office. die.

and now, i'm having my nasi lemak at oldtown (AGAIN) uptown, with my overly sunkist-ed spirulina orange juice, doing what i normally do when i was jobless. haihs. and oh, i was almost locked out just now before the bloody remote for the front gate couldnt work. which means, i almost had to CLIMB my bloody way in to the house. what a lovely day.

i wanted to write more but i guess i'l just leave it till the next time i have INTERNET CONNECTION outside the office. hopefully at home.

ok, have to finish my nasi lemak now. bye. don't leave me out.

22

2008-06-23T01:45:00.003+08:00

went to poppy with the girls. no birthday cake. pressie from NARS (bows to px and angeline). pressie from carin. card from 908 :D. malas wanna elaborate so just tengok gambar.

someone else's birthday cake lol

from carin

blush/orgasm

eye shadow/night breed

the multiple/copacabana

card from melbourne from the ever thoughtful housemates

so, did i get drunk? the answer is: yes and no.

but i had TONS of F-U-N!

ok, youtube time. bye.

june 18

2008-06-17T23:34:00.003+08:00

who was born on june 18?

Her Imperial Highness Grand Duchess Anastasia of Russia (June 18, 1901)
Sir James Paul McCartney, MBE (June 18, 1942)
Ivana Wong 王菀之　(June 18, 1980)
Ella 陳嘉樺　(June 18, 1981)

Richard Gasquet (June 18, 1986)

people i actually know: Kim and Jeremy. and they're nice people :)

it's out

2008-06-17T01:43:00.004+08:00

ok. i don't know what happened to me but i just can't think of anything to put in my birthday list. i mean, to list down things which i really really want. it's not that i want nothing. but those things i want, i've only seen them online or in magazines. most of them anyway. and i'm not really the kind who can buy/get things without seeing them in person. i need to touch and feel and try them on before deciding. oh, those things are really expensive too (for my standard).

but but but, not making a list is like not acknowledging my birthday (and my materialistic nature). hence, the following.

Tiffany 1837 Circles clasp necklace USD295

Gucci "Joy" medium boston bag in beige/ebony GG plus with white leather trim EUR395

Rebecca Minkoff Bread and Wine in royal USD185

Ted Baker Elson bag in black GBP95

Bobbi Brown Stonewashed Nudes palette MYR210 (i think)

Small Paul by Paul Frank Worry Bear plush toy MYR99

Thomas Dybdahl October Trilogy boxset USD77.99 (according to amazon.com)

i wanted to get the tiffany necklace back in april but hesitated. still deciding, unless someone generous out there wants to get me that. i really don't mind it ;)

most probably getting the gucci bag in spore. if i don't spend all my money before that.

saw the rebecca minkoff bag on purseblog. liked it very much. anyone know if parkson pavilion stocks this brand? would make a great shopping bag.

saw the ted baker clutch today. it's a nice clubbing/dinner bag.

wanted to get the BB palette before this BUT hesitated because i was choosing between this and stila's kitten eye palette. and now, IT'S OUT OF STOCK. blergh.

this worry bear is damn damn damn damn CUTE. small and orange. too adorable to resist.

came across this singer on cartier's love website. LOVED him. sounds like KoC. i think this boxset would make a perfect gift. not sure if rock corner at bangsar village has it though.

the end. for now.

and before i forget, my house has not have water supply for the past 3 days. yeah. SYABAS! and apparently, i won't have electricity on tuesday. malaysian utility companies..........

shoes shoes shoes

2008-06-16T00:21:00.004+08:00

so, i got a little bored and ended up doing this.

my Converse. comfy, but not so comfy. i still prefer my old one which was bought in malaysia. this was bought in aussie. and i'm eyeing for a new pair. in green :)

my thongs. or flipflops as you call it here. or "tor haai". Havaianas rocks! the Roxy one was...i've only worn it in thailand.

my sandals from Witchery which i absolutely love. a bit costly because it's all leather. but it's comfy and trendy lol.

my round-toe flats. loved the black one with ribbon from Country Road but it's getting a bit worn-out. red one not very comfy (Vincci mah) but heck, it's red so i bought it. the checked one from Zara is good :). and the best? the beaded one from Topshop. cost me a bomb but worth it.

my pointed-toe flats. the black one from Vincci is actually not too bad. almost forgotten i have this beige one from Sportsgirl until i checked my boxes today. the other black one from Witchery... a bit tight so i've only worn it twice i think. but i'm not giving up on it just yet.

my covered-toe heels. well, the black one from Country Road is just one-inch high la.. so. nvm. ok, the almond-toe one is from Forever21. at the moment, still feels alright. haven't worn the beige one from Vincci. the purple one from Ninewest was my first pair of pointed-toe heels.

my open-toe heels. love love love the black one from Ninewest. bought it on sale. the other black one is from Vincci and has been neglected since i bought my Ninewest. the bone one is from Charles and Keith. nice. the mustard one is from Vincci (again) and hasn't been worn.

my lace/tie-thing shoes. whatever you call them. bone is from Country Road. worn it i think less than 5 times. the black one is from Topshop. new addition. just bought it 2 days ago. nice right?

and so, it's not THAT many right? i mean, each one has it own purpose and function. haha. lacking a pair of peep-toe heels, a black pair of pointed-toe pumps, wedges and erm.. anything else?

zero item

2008-06-14T03:19:00.003+08:00

so, what do you think of the new layout? i'm getting a bit sick of the dark background. makes even my happy/rubbish posts sound emo. i am liking this fresh, clean look although it's more like a "i'm in love" background due to the headline. bah.

moving on. i don't know what i want for my birthday. i still can't come out with a wishlist, be it out-of-reach or reasonable. but i sort of know what i DON'T want: bodycare stuff esp from bodyshop, stuff from diva, any perfume. reason are: i have enough stuff from bodyshop because i shop there and i want to collect the points, diva is getting more and more teenager-ish which was why i switched to sportsgirl but they don't have it here *sigh* and, i seldom wear perfume and i am happy with my current collection.

i am more interested in CDs, especially the ones which are quite hard to find in malaysia. will make a list of it soon. wallets... nah. i'm very happy with my eelskin one right now. shoes..... there's this pair of flats from ZARA but who buys shoes as bday gifts? also, a black leather bag from TOPSHOP but it's rm200+ so it's ridiculous plus i can collect the points myself. lol. NARS cosmetics but not available in malaysia so scrap that i'll get it myself when i can. haha there's this worry bear soft toy from paul frank but then again, it's gonna be ridiculous buying a soft toy for a 22 y.o. i wanted the bobbi brown stonewashed eye palette but it ran out of stock.

so, you see, it's hard to come up with a list that actually works. i'll try my best. lol

功夫熊貓: 好dims啊!

2008-06-09T21:48:00.002+08:00

went to watch kung fu panda CANTONESE version with peanutX at cheras selatan the other day. why canto version? because of the cast. eason chan as a fat panda? MUST WATCH! and i thought jan lamb was gonna be in it as the narrator but mana tau, he was the trailer guy. full stop. cheh.

the show was super duper DIMS ah! A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!!! the storyline, the cast, the animation, the graphic. SUPERB! one of the best shows i've watched. definitely in my top 10 list. if i have such a list. ok, it's a movie i'll watch again. in the cinema. heck, i'll even buy the original DVD. that is how much i enjoyed it.

and now, the nut and i can't stop using these phrases: 好dims啊! and 快如閃電. hahahahahaha.

I LOVE 功夫熊貓 :)

here's the cantonese trailer, if you're interested. DIMS!

woah!

2008-06-05T03:00:00.003+08:00

i love rock corner at bangsar village. because i got like 90% of the CDs and DVDs i've been dying to get since ages ago. and i was actually thinking of travelling down south to HMV to try my luck. but lo and behold! i found not only the OC's soundtracks, but also Air, kate nash, get cape and, get this, KoC! omgomgomgomgomg

and so, i'm now rm248 poorer. well, that's only true IF i pay my dad back coz i used the plastic. but ANYWAY, here's what i bought. i'm way way way over the moon.

versus by Kings of Convenience

talkie walkie by Air

searching for the hows and whys by get cape. wear cape. fly

made of bricks by kate nash

music from the oc: mix 2 by various artistes

music from the oc: mix 4 by various artistes

hero the movie

love and honour

soon lah, soon

2008-06-04T00:59:00.002+08:00

it's very unlike me to not post up my birthday wishlist way before my actual birthday (which is in 2 weeks' time *cough*). the thing is, i've been pre-occupied with job search and F.R.I.E.N.D.S and when i had the mood to do it, the internet refused to connect itself and so, i've been offline for 2-3days. and now, i'm not in the mood to list down the unattainable birthday gift list. blergh. i blame it on PMS. but don't worry, it WILL be up in no time.

anyway, i just found out that khalil fong was invited by Cartier to write a song for their LOVE campaign. that song is just so... him. very khalil-ish. ah... the more i listen to it, the more i love him. ok ok. PMS on work here.

ooh, i'm thinking of getting a new hp. i do love my LG chocolate, but i think it's gonna die on me anytime now. i used to blame the line, but i think it was really the phone's fault. nokia's N82 looks yummy. should i? should i? but it's freaking expensive (note: i'm broke. BROKE! and it's JUST the beginning of june). but it's so nice. ok la. it's quite nice. and has a lot of functions and stuff which i'm sure i won't be bothered to use right now, but in 1-2 years, maybe it'll be really useful. or something like that.

getting a haircut tomorrow. hope it turns out alright. don't wanna look like a dummy in my bday pics. gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

time for some zzzzZZZZzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzZZzzzZZZzzz

moving forward by get cape. wear cape. fly

2008-05-21T02:14:00.001+08:00

dear you,

love, me

3 become 1

2008-05-17T23:59:00.004+08:00

the list is shortened, but there's also a new addition

Bag 1: Epi leather LOCKIT in Ivory (Louis Vuitton)

why: i like the shape; "rare" on the the streets eg haven't seen anyone carrying this; waterproof leather; it's an LV classic

why not: it's white, so it'll discolour over the years and turn yellowish; hard to maintain because of its colour

Bag 2: Damier canvas SPEEDY 30 in Azur (Louis Vuitton)

why: i like the shape; roomy; waterproof canvas so it's easier to maintain; soft; it's an LV classic

why not: does not retain the shape because of its softness; everyone has it; everywhere where you look, someone's carrying this bag; i've seen at least 50 ppl carrying this

Bag 3: Joy MEDIUM BOSTON BAG in beige/ebony GG plus (Gucci)

why: i like the shape; roomy; waterproof canvas/pvc; the colour and the shiny leather trim; retains its shape; "rare" on the streets eg have only seen one person carrying this

why not: because it's hard enough to retain its shape even when it's empty, it's a bit bulky; sort of like a speedy-wannabe; will most probably go on sale at the end of the year because it's a SS08 collection

i was 12

2008-05-17T02:23:00.001+08:00

Homeboy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

if i can, i'll get ALL

2008-05-16T01:15:00.004+08:00

please help me choose which bag is the nicest AND most practical for everyday use. and the occasional night use for dinner etc.

Bag 1: Epi leather LOCKIT in Ivory

Bag 2: Monogram canvas LOCKIT

Bag 3: Damier canvas SPEEDY 30 in Azur

Bag 4: Damier canvas BERKELEY in Azur

Bag 5: Damier canvas NOE in AZUR

i'll be there for you?

2008-05-12T23:06:00.002+08:00

i thought you're my ross. i thought i'm your rachel.

now tell me, who am i to you?
still a splinter in your heart?

oooh i know!

no one.

wait, do i know you?
hm... sorry. wrong person.

that was close

2008-05-10T02:00:00.005+08:00

relapse. almost.

daily reminder: don't. that's not what you wanted. don't. this is not what you wanted too. but still, don't.

2008-05-08T23:12:00.000+08:00

you are everywhere

rainbow after the thunderstorm

2008-05-07T14:20:00.004+08:00

he's dead. doesn't exist anymore. let go of this part of your life. you need to let it go. put it behind you and move on. the future is still bright. the list is out there!

i'm waking up. i'm walking away. with the scars. as reminder.

he's not the constant in my life. You are. You are the constant in my life. i'm sorry. i can go to no one but You. please help me heal. Lord, help me heal.

is it

2008-05-06T17:23:00.002+08:00

too late to apologize now?

bipolar?

2008-05-05T18:00:00.003+08:00

lack of sleep. depressing flashbacks. malaysian road construction. BOOM! car accident. almost.

my mind has been going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, switching moods from one to another without pausing even for a second. it feels like the end of the world for a few hours and out of a sudden, i'm my normal self again. and 3 hours later i'm depressed again. the cycle repeats itself after every few hours. i feel like my mind's going to explode. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

emo chinese songs. especially the ones with lyrics that depict your current situation. the best way to trigger your fragile heart and let your sadness flows out like a waterfall. it draws out all the hidden feelings you didn't know you have, releasing the pressure so you can catch your breath, take a short rest, and then continue on with the struggle. until you finally pass out and die. or wake up and walk away, with the scars as reminder.

我的心真的受傷了

2008-05-04T17:46:00.003+08:00

i thought it is a constant in my life but i was wrong. to be told that this has changed, everything seemed to move in slow motion. except my mind, which has been working overtime at the speed of light since the moment the truth was unveiled. and now, i can't make out what is real and a just a dream.

NARS, where art thou?

2008-04-27T01:16:00.003+08:00

i've heard about NARS before but i didn't have the desire to own it up until now. all thanks to 女人我最大. the make-up artist, kevin, has been singing praises about this cosmetic brand for a while now. it is his favourite brand. and he had the chance to "introduce" the make-up in yesterday's episode because it was recently launched in taiwan

GAH! i want NARS! and well, our beloved malaysia does not stock this brand. such lovely news. but apparently, someone from some forum said it might enter malaysia soon (june08!) through kens apothecary. let's just wait and see. if not, i'll get it from either bangkok or hong kong. maybe singapore. but rumour has it that the store down south doesn't have very good customer service. melbourne has it under mecca cosmetics BUT it's SOOOOOOOOO MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE it's a rip off. i'd rather wait.

i want the legendary "orgasm" blush. and the "cool palette" artist palette. AND the "turkish delight" lipgloss. PLUS the "night breed" eyeshadow.

brrr... i want to go to hong kong!